Dark places

At the moment I'm feeling like I'm in a bit of a dark place, I feel lost and very alone. The pain I am in sometimes is overwhelming and I struggle to cope with it. I think I need to stop fighting against my illness and to accept it and attempt to recover from it. Its hard and I feel alone in this battle a lot of the time. I know I'm not alone I have met some wonderfully inspirational people through being ill and love having them in my life sometimes its just hard. I often want to curl up alone and just be left but then I feel isolated and want the opposite.
In a bit of a muddle it would seem.

Being Thankful

I have decided I need to start thinking about all the things I have to be thankful for in my life.
I have two wonderful cats who seem to adore me, They seem to understand when I'm feeling really unwell as they curl up in bed with me.
I have met some wonderful friends since having this illness who make each day more bearable for me and to them I am truly thankful. If one good thing has come out of being ill, it is making new friends who understand what its like.
I am thankful for the internet as it allows me to keep in contact with some amazing people who live too far away for me to be able to see face to face.

Bit fed up

I'm feeling a little bit frustrated at the moment. I've just had a phone call from my best friend. The place where I work is really busy and they are short staffed. It makes me feel upset. I'm not even considered to work because I'm not strong enough to be much help. I desperately need the money because I'm barely earning but I understand why I'm not even thought of for helping out.

Just a bit fed up at my body's inability to work properly. :-(

Uni

So I'm nearly finished my uni degree. I'm attempting to get everything finished so that I can graduate with the rest of the people on my course. Thankfully my lecturers have been really supportive and because of my ME I've been able to apply for mitigating circumstances. This made me feel really upset. I didn't want to have to apply for them as it feels like its admitting failure or defeat. I'm trying to convince myself that its not I'm just not good at accepting this illness.
On the plus side my cats have been giving me lots of affection today. They are both curled up at the foot of my bed and just looking at them makes me happy. I often think I should have been a cat. They use a tiny bit of energy and then nap, then use a little more then nap etc. I think that kinda sums up how my body would like my life to be at the moment.

Sleepy

I am getting a bit fed up of hearing people say to me that everyone gets tired. The levels of fatigue that I get with my ME are so intense. They are not anything like the tiredness I felt before I was ill. I physically cannot keep myself awake at times. Its hard to sleep over night waking occasionally but getting about 8 hours and then to wake up feeling as though you have not had any sleep at all. I spend a lot of my time feeling exhausted as if I have just completed running a marathon when in fact all I have done is walk down the stairs.
I know people are only trying to help but I cannot stress enough that I am not just a little tired, I am exhausted a lot of the time.